IF

Simple word right, could be I guess , but for a 2 letter word it sure packs a punch.

I had a dream my Father said this word to me ( along with a few others which will make more sense as you read along ) after he passed  , probably about a year later or even more, can't remember exactly.
I do remember as a little girl we had an organ, handed down from one of my cousins most likely , along with songbooks.
One of the songs we used to try and master was IF by Bread, how many times my little fingers probably mindlessly played ( and not good at all :) HAHA ) this music and possibly muddled through the words.

Years later after sitting down and really reading them after my dream did I put myself back at that organ in the " living room " while my Dad sat in the " TV room".  Painting a picture for myself , I would like to think he sat in that room and knowing him with eyes closed either whistling along or even singing the words without us knowing it. In my dream perhaps he had the same memory , except this time showing his face to me knowing now the words had come to have their meaning.

Here they are :

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
PACKS A PUNCH right?

When I woke up that day I couldn't wait to find these words, as I sat and read them I cried my eyes out.
I cried because I knew IF he could be in two places at once he'd surely be at my side.
IF he could paint a picture to tell me how much he loved me , it would be a Picasso.
I know that when I am down and feeling sorry for myself , IF I could hear him he would be saying , get over it Baby, you don't have it so bad you got me.
IF he could take me flying around the heavens , he surely would.
I am left to come up with my own meaning and interpretation of my dream I suppose ; but I choose to believe he was saying IF I could be there I would , IF I could still kiss your boo boo's I would, IF I could still tell you to get over it ( and he would have LOL ) , I would.

Well likewise Dad, IF I could I would tell you so many things , I love you being the one I long to say the most.

Still saying what I need to say in 2012

XOXO

Lori

Say What You Need to Say

Everytime I hear John Mayer's song Say What you Need to Say it takes me back to when my Dad was sick and I did just that, I said to him what I needed to say to him and now 4 years later I have no regrets for the time we spent together in sickness or in health. I took a few minutes the night of his death and told him I loved him , I thanked him , I told him no matter near or far I knew as long as his were the hands I had to fall back in to I would be just fine, I told him I would be ok and I would be ok mainly because his wisdom would forever ring in my head. He used to say " Don't do something nice for someone so you can throw it in their face 2 months down the line , do it because you truly wanted to and not for personal gain or don't do it all "


How often do we say what we need to say? How often do we say I love you just because?  How often do we say Thank you? You are welcome? You did a good job? You look nice today? I appreciate what you have done for me ? Trust me I am not the best at this, I own that but perhaps in this new year I will be.  If every day each one of us stops and recognizes a good deed,  send a stranger a smile, think before you react ( HA I need to work on that one ),  or even be nicer to yourself.  Treat yourself to that expensive pair of shoes, go see that concert, be spontaneous, step outside your comfort zone and say what you need to say!

So my friends in 2012 , Say What You Need to Say , Do What you Need to Do, and Live life like you want to live it.
I have the most amazing family and friends and I Love You All !! Now see how hard was that ?

No resolutions, because that puts too many expectations on yourself and lets face it, how many times do we have personal failure every year because of them, don't start your year on a higher % of failure,  just do it to make yourself feel better and have some peace.

XOXO

Lori

Head of The Table

Yesterday at our Thanksgiving dinner table someone new took the seat at the head of the table where my Father always sat. It was Michael, my 18 year old nephew, who sat across me at the table yesterday. You see growing up everyone had their seat. Picture a table of 6 , yes I know we are a familly of 7.  My Dad always took his place as the Captain , the head of the table,  to his right , and fittingly because she was his right hand, my Mom, to her right my sister Maribeth, to his left my sister Lisa, her left my sister Eileen, then me at the other head of table, facing my Dad.  Where was Frank?  Laying on the floor in the TV room watching TV,  we always felt bad for him but in hindsight a boy with four sisters and one TV probably looked at that as an hour of heaven where the TV was his and he could watch MASH.  While it was odd to see your 18 year old nephew ( who you can't even believe is 18 sitting there ) it was nice and kind of a passing of the torch.

It made me think about how many meals the " 7 " of us ate at that table, how many meatloafs, roasts, Sunday dinners, steaks, pork chops that table has seen. How many times the phone rang and my Father would say " dont they know we are eating". How many times he would say there's a fly in this kitchen , I can't eat with a fly in the kitchen Carolyn. How many times he would tell Eileen to finish her meal. How many times he would say to my Mom, good meal Hon and we would all follow up with yes good meal Mom. 

I sat there from when I was 6 probably til my early 30's , funny I do remember sitting there when I told my Dad , after putting it off for months , that I was going to Europe. I said well I have something to tell you , I am going to Europe.  Without looking up in fear of his reaction, there was a brief pause and then he spoke,  "Well Lori I think that's great , go see the world honey."  All that worrying for a positive reaction , LOL.  I went and saw the world with his words in my head everywhere I went to be careful, have eyes in the back of your head, and stick together.

I woke up today being so Thankful for the memories shared at that table, the memories of a family who ate together and definitely prayed together.  Funny that Thanksgiving is centered around that table, where as a family you probably spend the most time together, I know we did.

The Head of the table changed yesterday but I do look forward to the new memories we will make at that table knowing we are still living as he would want us to do , praying together and eating together.

Happy Thanksgiving

On this week of Thanksgiving, my friend Clancy has helped me fulfill a dream and for that I THANK HER...I am starting a blog about my Dad and the 33 wonderful years I got to call him my Father. For that I am most Thankful. Thank you Dad for your inspiration in the 33 years you blessed me as my Dad and I as your Princess Baby. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I am going to enjoy writing it. I have so much to tell and I cannot wait to get started. Thank you Frank DeAngelo for my life, my memories and my blog , you inspire me every day I have lived and I do live.  Welcome to my blog and Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family. My journey begins...I HOPE YOU ALL FOLLOW THE WISDOM.