Hey All,
Been a long time since I blogged so here goes:
I won an IPAD yesterday and as excited as I was and how much fun I had winning it ; I yelled BINGO like it was saving a life and so did my cousin Franny. I crack up thinking about the moment and her face for a brief second ever after 3 hours of playing the game the two of us stared at each other after I dabbed B2 like OMG WHAT DO I SAY ?. lol GREAT MOMENT. Well I said BINGO so did she and I collected my prize, thought the whole way home wow what am I going to do on it, how does it work, I can't believe I never bought myself one , wait till the kids see this it's never mine again, so many other things. Thinking about more I said to myself awww I wish I could show my Dad this new toy. He would have taken that new piece of technology and like a 12 year old taking a test the next day studied the material for it. He didn't like too many things to beat him and I know this wouldn't have either. He loved to learn.
I came home from my first semester at Penn State with pictures of his Mother and Father's hometown printed off the computer and told him I read all about that little town of L'Aquila and his face lit up. " You mean I can type in the name of that city and see all of his ". Yep you can Dad. The spark went off. He was a whiz on computers before you knew it. He studied it, he learned it and he enjoyed it. He wanted to see where his Mother grew up just like I wanted to picture him growing up a few streets over. Worlds away but same intrigue.
I would have went home after work today and he would look at me smirk and say" that's amazing what you can on there ". Yet we take it for granted as a society all of these amazing little things. To an older generation that is golden.
I think he would have loved Twitter, love to follow the people that interested him, Probably give them a piece of his mind once in a while and then say " Hey Lor, that guy responded, didn't like what I said I guess baby ". He would be all over the deals too. Taking the discount world by storm and showing off his rewards or handing them out.
I wish he could have seen all of this , see the world get a little smarter. He loved that because that meant he got smarter. lol.
So Dad I wish you could see my IPAD, but more so I wish I could see you using my IPAD.
When I won it the gentleman said me " that's great because you are young enough to enjoy it ". I know an old timer that would have too.
P.S Thanks for the magic NINI DEE
Monday, November 5, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I Will Remember You
Soooo I have not blogged in a while so I sat down today and said to myself whatever comes to mind first blog about.
Know that I write to write, I don't write with the proper grammar, punctuation etc. It's a blog, who cares, lol.
June 8th was 4 years that my Dad had passed, May 28th would have been his 75th birthday. Both days were hard but both days were hard because I just loved him to pieces. So having even known him I will take the sadness because it reminds me how lucky I was.
4 years is not a long time , it is still a fresh wound but I chose these days to relive my Dad's memory, say out loud as many times as I could have " I love you Dad ". For those of you know that know me well, you know I talk about my Dad a lot. Reflecting on " why " I do that, I realized it is because that is what he did. I would have never gotten to " know " my Nono, my Noni, my Aunt Yola, my cousin Gary, my cousin Kelly, so many that went before him and before my time. He continued to celebrate their lives after they were gone. Never forgot them and more importantly never stopped loving them. I remember he used to say " Lori honey some day I won't be here, you will go about living your life , you will think of me once in a while but dont be sad about that because I will be happy, I will be with Jesus, I will be with my Mother I haven't seen her since I was 21 years old., haven't seen my Dad since I was a little boy". I used to get so mad at him when he would talk like that. I would walk out of the room and say Stop It Dad , Stop it !!!! As I am typing this, Sarah McLacklan's song " I Will Remember You " came on. ( I immediately just changed my blog title ). He was wrong about one thing though, I don't think about him once in awhile, I think about him all the time!
Some of you have seen the sort of biography I wrote on him when he passed away, my way of saying " I heard every word you ever said Big Guy!!!!!!". I listened with ears open and saw with eyes open. I listened to a man who never stopped remembering and I saw a man that loved so deeply. He taught me a lesson throughtout my life, how important it is to tell your stories , know your history, know where you came from. If you couldn't reflect on that how could you ever appreciate where you had gotten.
I just love remembering him, sometimes I cry, sometimes I crack up , and sometimes I am just proud.
Proud that he bought a used pool for $100 dollars and made that pool last 20 years so his kids had a pool. I think Mar and I were literally standing in it , waiting for the water to fill it the minute he got done putting it up. Proud that I ever knew we didn't have money, WHAT???????? we didn't? lol. He never let us know that, we were rich in love and that's all we needed. Not spoiled by any stretch but he did what he could do. So what if I drove a 79 AMC Banana Yellow Concord to my first day of college at Penn State Lehman, it worked and it got me there for 2 years. So what if I drove a retired undercover cop car to high school , it worked and it got me there. So what if he gave me $ 5 bucks when my friends were getting $ 20, he taught me how to live within my means and budget my money. So what if I moved into my house at 27 with him pushing me to do it with an old bed, a beat up couch and love seat , no kitchen table , and only the essentials to make my house run, he taught me how to be a homeowner at 27 years old. He did say to me the night before " You sure you want to do this ? " . Ugh Dad you made me do this , remember?. " Yes I know but I think I am going to miss you. " I moved 2 houses away , lol. Even 2 houses away he missed me. So what if I talk about him all the time, you only get one Dad, he was mine and I loved him with all my heart!
I crack up when I think of him sitting the head of the kitchen table, and he would start giggling. " Dad what you are laughing at ". He would come off with some story he was " reliving ". I cry and I am proud when I think of how sad he was when he was sick and I went to sit with him , I said " ok no more being sad tell me a story about yourself I don't know ". In no mood for me he said " Lori, you know all my stories already. " I said " there has to be something I don't know Dad ." So he sat there, eyes closed and thinking he said to me " Did you know that in the Air Force they wanted me to be a spy in Turkey " ?. Of course I didn't know this already , I challenged him just like he would have me and as sick as he was he pulled out something I didn't know. " They called me up and said DeAngelo, we have an assignment for you, you have the build, the brain , and the training and we want you to do some spy work ( technical term I am sure , lol ), he was to leave in a few weeks from that and they told him no physical activity until then. Not thinking he would get hurt, he joined a game of basketball wtih his friends , low and behold and may I add in true DeAngelo nature sure enough he fell and hurt his knee, lol. Well that was the end of Special Agent DeAngelo. He ended that story with " Lor, if I went who knows what would have happened, I could have been killed, I could have made a difference but I guarantee I would not have met your Mother and you wouldn't be here today." Of course under my breath I said to myself "I'm so happy he hurt his knee ." :)
I am MOST PROUD when someone sees my last name and says " DeAngelo huh ? who was your Dad ?", MOST PROUD and with a smile because I get to say " Frank DeAngelo was my Dad!!!!."
So in the 4 years since you left us and in the year you would been 75 years old, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU not once in awhile but all the time. " I love you Dad!! ."
Know that I write to write, I don't write with the proper grammar, punctuation etc. It's a blog, who cares, lol.
June 8th was 4 years that my Dad had passed, May 28th would have been his 75th birthday. Both days were hard but both days were hard because I just loved him to pieces. So having even known him I will take the sadness because it reminds me how lucky I was.
4 years is not a long time , it is still a fresh wound but I chose these days to relive my Dad's memory, say out loud as many times as I could have " I love you Dad ". For those of you know that know me well, you know I talk about my Dad a lot. Reflecting on " why " I do that, I realized it is because that is what he did. I would have never gotten to " know " my Nono, my Noni, my Aunt Yola, my cousin Gary, my cousin Kelly, so many that went before him and before my time. He continued to celebrate their lives after they were gone. Never forgot them and more importantly never stopped loving them. I remember he used to say " Lori honey some day I won't be here, you will go about living your life , you will think of me once in a while but dont be sad about that because I will be happy, I will be with Jesus, I will be with my Mother I haven't seen her since I was 21 years old., haven't seen my Dad since I was a little boy". I used to get so mad at him when he would talk like that. I would walk out of the room and say Stop It Dad , Stop it !!!! As I am typing this, Sarah McLacklan's song " I Will Remember You " came on. ( I immediately just changed my blog title ). He was wrong about one thing though, I don't think about him once in awhile, I think about him all the time!
Some of you have seen the sort of biography I wrote on him when he passed away, my way of saying " I heard every word you ever said Big Guy!!!!!!". I listened with ears open and saw with eyes open. I listened to a man who never stopped remembering and I saw a man that loved so deeply. He taught me a lesson throughtout my life, how important it is to tell your stories , know your history, know where you came from. If you couldn't reflect on that how could you ever appreciate where you had gotten.
I just love remembering him, sometimes I cry, sometimes I crack up , and sometimes I am just proud.
Proud that he bought a used pool for $100 dollars and made that pool last 20 years so his kids had a pool. I think Mar and I were literally standing in it , waiting for the water to fill it the minute he got done putting it up. Proud that I ever knew we didn't have money, WHAT???????? we didn't? lol. He never let us know that, we were rich in love and that's all we needed. Not spoiled by any stretch but he did what he could do. So what if I drove a 79 AMC Banana Yellow Concord to my first day of college at Penn State Lehman, it worked and it got me there for 2 years. So what if I drove a retired undercover cop car to high school , it worked and it got me there. So what if he gave me $ 5 bucks when my friends were getting $ 20, he taught me how to live within my means and budget my money. So what if I moved into my house at 27 with him pushing me to do it with an old bed, a beat up couch and love seat , no kitchen table , and only the essentials to make my house run, he taught me how to be a homeowner at 27 years old. He did say to me the night before " You sure you want to do this ? " . Ugh Dad you made me do this , remember?. " Yes I know but I think I am going to miss you. " I moved 2 houses away , lol. Even 2 houses away he missed me. So what if I talk about him all the time, you only get one Dad, he was mine and I loved him with all my heart!
I crack up when I think of him sitting the head of the kitchen table, and he would start giggling. " Dad what you are laughing at ". He would come off with some story he was " reliving ". I cry and I am proud when I think of how sad he was when he was sick and I went to sit with him , I said " ok no more being sad tell me a story about yourself I don't know ". In no mood for me he said " Lori, you know all my stories already. " I said " there has to be something I don't know Dad ." So he sat there, eyes closed and thinking he said to me " Did you know that in the Air Force they wanted me to be a spy in Turkey " ?. Of course I didn't know this already , I challenged him just like he would have me and as sick as he was he pulled out something I didn't know. " They called me up and said DeAngelo, we have an assignment for you, you have the build, the brain , and the training and we want you to do some spy work ( technical term I am sure , lol ), he was to leave in a few weeks from that and they told him no physical activity until then. Not thinking he would get hurt, he joined a game of basketball wtih his friends , low and behold and may I add in true DeAngelo nature sure enough he fell and hurt his knee, lol. Well that was the end of Special Agent DeAngelo. He ended that story with " Lor, if I went who knows what would have happened, I could have been killed, I could have made a difference but I guarantee I would not have met your Mother and you wouldn't be here today." Of course under my breath I said to myself "I'm so happy he hurt his knee ." :)
I am MOST PROUD when someone sees my last name and says " DeAngelo huh ? who was your Dad ?", MOST PROUD and with a smile because I get to say " Frank DeAngelo was my Dad!!!!."
So in the 4 years since you left us and in the year you would been 75 years old, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU not once in awhile but all the time. " I love you Dad!! ."
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Farley Graham. WE WILL MISS YOU.
Last night my family said goodbye to our Farley. How do I describe Farley...hmmm let me see. LOYAL. Farley even since he arrived on Orchard Street has been a loyal dog, best friend, protector, master.
I remember when Brian brought him home, opened the door to my parents house and let him run in. I remember the laugh that came out of my Dad, and I think he said " He's so ugly he's cute". Well that started the next 13 years with Farley. Farley was not a very affectionate dog, not like Auggy, who will sit on your lap til the cows come home, but Farley let you know he loved you. I would smother him with kisses, rush home from work to see him, buy him presents, talk to him like he was a person. Everyone would say Lori will you leave that dog alone, he doesn't like it. However, I know Farley loved it, as years went on and Auggy came along, that little guy never forgot me. If I pulled up in front of the house he would shoot off that porch and bark til I acknowledged him, if i walked into my sister's house, his tail wagged and he would be at my feet til I gave him one of those kisses or hugs he " hated" when he was puppy, as he got older and would bark at me because he didn't see so well, I would yell " Farley it's me", he would look at me as if he were saying " sorry Aunt Lori, I'm getting old, I can't see you that well ". If I sat on the floor , after a few minutes of him and Auggy duking it out, Farley always won out , would wiggle his way in front of me , turn around so his back was to me , sit down, look back as if to say ok now pet me, rub my ears, rub my belly, I was here before Auggy so I am going first.
I loved that dog so much, so much, he was my buddy. Sometimes I would get aggravated and say Farley, buddy, I don't always have food.
I will SORELY miss giving him his bone , him taking it, turning around with it hanging out his mouth and run off to his temporary santcuary like he just won the lottery.
I realized today , if you were good to Farley, Farley was good to you , again going back to the word LOYAL.
I will miss him staying at my house when Mar and Brian went away, pacing all night, up and down the steps, on the bed, off the bed, barking, back off the bed, back downstairs, back upstairs. He liked to be home, didn't like his world shifted in anyway. He liked knowing Brian was one room away and not a state away or not coming back to say " Where's my main man ?."
I will miss taking him to the groomers and having to say " This one's a little fiesty" and then walking back him in to get him hours later and hearing him bark when I said I am here to pick up Farley and Auggy because he heard my voice , as if he were saying " Aunt Lori get me out of this cage ".
I will miss him making sure that like me he always knew where Auggy was, always had his back , and never let anyone mess with his Auggy.
I will miss slipping him an extra treat even after Brian said no more he had enough , I just dimed myself out but I dont care, that was our moment, our little laugh like HEHE, here you go buddy.
I will miss giving him a bath in the backyard, and when he was done saying go ahead Far, and he would run up and down the backyard at warped speed, find the first dirt patch and roll in it as if he was saying " I hated that what's wrong with being dirty ? ".
Farley,
I only hope I was half to you what you were to me. You were an old soul. Reminded all of us of Nono and I as re read this I realize you two really were alike in a lot of ways. Simple, Grounded, Loving , Protective, Chubby ( LOL ), but most of all LOYAL. So last night when you left us, I know he was there waiting for you , probably calling your name to come his way. I picture the two of you walking back to his Heaven, happy to be together again and that truly makes me happy. My two big guys in the sky watching over us.
Thanks for all the good years, the love , the barks, the tail wags, and your loyalty.
I LOVE YOU FARLEY GRAHAM
Aunt Lori
I remember when Brian brought him home, opened the door to my parents house and let him run in. I remember the laugh that came out of my Dad, and I think he said " He's so ugly he's cute". Well that started the next 13 years with Farley. Farley was not a very affectionate dog, not like Auggy, who will sit on your lap til the cows come home, but Farley let you know he loved you. I would smother him with kisses, rush home from work to see him, buy him presents, talk to him like he was a person. Everyone would say Lori will you leave that dog alone, he doesn't like it. However, I know Farley loved it, as years went on and Auggy came along, that little guy never forgot me. If I pulled up in front of the house he would shoot off that porch and bark til I acknowledged him, if i walked into my sister's house, his tail wagged and he would be at my feet til I gave him one of those kisses or hugs he " hated" when he was puppy, as he got older and would bark at me because he didn't see so well, I would yell " Farley it's me", he would look at me as if he were saying " sorry Aunt Lori, I'm getting old, I can't see you that well ". If I sat on the floor , after a few minutes of him and Auggy duking it out, Farley always won out , would wiggle his way in front of me , turn around so his back was to me , sit down, look back as if to say ok now pet me, rub my ears, rub my belly, I was here before Auggy so I am going first.
I loved that dog so much, so much, he was my buddy. Sometimes I would get aggravated and say Farley, buddy, I don't always have food.
I will SORELY miss giving him his bone , him taking it, turning around with it hanging out his mouth and run off to his temporary santcuary like he just won the lottery.
I realized today , if you were good to Farley, Farley was good to you , again going back to the word LOYAL.
I will miss him staying at my house when Mar and Brian went away, pacing all night, up and down the steps, on the bed, off the bed, barking, back off the bed, back downstairs, back upstairs. He liked to be home, didn't like his world shifted in anyway. He liked knowing Brian was one room away and not a state away or not coming back to say " Where's my main man ?."
I will miss taking him to the groomers and having to say " This one's a little fiesty" and then walking back him in to get him hours later and hearing him bark when I said I am here to pick up Farley and Auggy because he heard my voice , as if he were saying " Aunt Lori get me out of this cage ".
I will miss him making sure that like me he always knew where Auggy was, always had his back , and never let anyone mess with his Auggy.
I will miss slipping him an extra treat even after Brian said no more he had enough , I just dimed myself out but I dont care, that was our moment, our little laugh like HEHE, here you go buddy.
I will miss giving him a bath in the backyard, and when he was done saying go ahead Far, and he would run up and down the backyard at warped speed, find the first dirt patch and roll in it as if he was saying " I hated that what's wrong with being dirty ? ".
Farley,
I only hope I was half to you what you were to me. You were an old soul. Reminded all of us of Nono and I as re read this I realize you two really were alike in a lot of ways. Simple, Grounded, Loving , Protective, Chubby ( LOL ), but most of all LOYAL. So last night when you left us, I know he was there waiting for you , probably calling your name to come his way. I picture the two of you walking back to his Heaven, happy to be together again and that truly makes me happy. My two big guys in the sky watching over us.
Thanks for all the good years, the love , the barks, the tail wags, and your loyalty.
I LOVE YOU FARLEY GRAHAM
Aunt Lori
Monday, January 16, 2012
IF
Simple word right, could be I guess , but for a 2 letter word it sure packs a punch.
I had a dream my Father said this word to me ( along with a few others which will make more sense as you read along ) after he passed , probably about a year later or even more, can't remember exactly.
I do remember as a little girl we had an organ, handed down from one of my cousins most likely , along with songbooks.
One of the songs we used to try and master was IF by Bread, how many times my little fingers probably mindlessly played ( and not good at all :) HAHA ) this music and possibly muddled through the words.
Years later after sitting down and really reading them after my dream did I put myself back at that organ in the " living room " while my Dad sat in the " TV room". Painting a picture for myself , I would like to think he sat in that room and knowing him with eyes closed either whistling along or even singing the words without us knowing it. In my dream perhaps he had the same memory , except this time showing his face to me knowing now the words had come to have their meaning.
Here they are :
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
PACKS A PUNCH right?
When I woke up that day I couldn't wait to find these words, as I sat and read them I cried my eyes out.
I cried because I knew IF he could be in two places at once he'd surely be at my side.
IF he could paint a picture to tell me how much he loved me , it would be a Picasso.
I know that when I am down and feeling sorry for myself , IF I could hear him he would be saying , get over it Baby, you don't have it so bad you got me.
IF he could take me flying around the heavens , he surely would.
I am left to come up with my own meaning and interpretation of my dream I suppose ; but I choose to believe he was saying IF I could be there I would , IF I could still kiss your boo boo's I would, IF I could still tell you to get over it ( and he would have LOL ) , I would.
Well likewise Dad, IF I could I would tell you so many things , I love you being the one I long to say the most.
Still saying what I need to say in 2012
XOXO
Lori
I had a dream my Father said this word to me ( along with a few others which will make more sense as you read along ) after he passed , probably about a year later or even more, can't remember exactly.
I do remember as a little girl we had an organ, handed down from one of my cousins most likely , along with songbooks.
One of the songs we used to try and master was IF by Bread, how many times my little fingers probably mindlessly played ( and not good at all :) HAHA ) this music and possibly muddled through the words.
Years later after sitting down and really reading them after my dream did I put myself back at that organ in the " living room " while my Dad sat in the " TV room". Painting a picture for myself , I would like to think he sat in that room and knowing him with eyes closed either whistling along or even singing the words without us knowing it. In my dream perhaps he had the same memory , except this time showing his face to me knowing now the words had come to have their meaning.
Here they are :
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
PACKS A PUNCH right?
When I woke up that day I couldn't wait to find these words, as I sat and read them I cried my eyes out.
I cried because I knew IF he could be in two places at once he'd surely be at my side.
IF he could paint a picture to tell me how much he loved me , it would be a Picasso.
I know that when I am down and feeling sorry for myself , IF I could hear him he would be saying , get over it Baby, you don't have it so bad you got me.
IF he could take me flying around the heavens , he surely would.
I am left to come up with my own meaning and interpretation of my dream I suppose ; but I choose to believe he was saying IF I could be there I would , IF I could still kiss your boo boo's I would, IF I could still tell you to get over it ( and he would have LOL ) , I would.
Well likewise Dad, IF I could I would tell you so many things , I love you being the one I long to say the most.
Still saying what I need to say in 2012
XOXO
Lori
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Say What You Need to Say
Everytime I hear John Mayer's song Say What you Need to Say it takes me back to when my Dad was sick and I did just that, I said to him what I needed to say to him and now 4 years later I have no regrets for the time we spent together in sickness or in health. I took a few minutes the night of his death and told him I loved him , I thanked him , I told him no matter near or far I knew as long as his were the hands I had to fall back in to I would be just fine, I told him I would be ok and I would be ok mainly because his wisdom would forever ring in my head. He used to say " Don't do something nice for someone so you can throw it in their face 2 months down the line , do it because you truly wanted to and not for personal gain or don't do it all "
How often do we say what we need to say? How often do we say I love you just because? How often do we say Thank you? You are welcome? You did a good job? You look nice today? I appreciate what you have done for me ? Trust me I am not the best at this, I own that but perhaps in this new year I will be. If every day each one of us stops and recognizes a good deed, send a stranger a smile, think before you react ( HA I need to work on that one ), or even be nicer to yourself. Treat yourself to that expensive pair of shoes, go see that concert, be spontaneous, step outside your comfort zone and say what you need to say!
So my friends in 2012 , Say What You Need to Say , Do What you Need to Do, and Live life like you want to live it.
I have the most amazing family and friends and I Love You All !! Now see how hard was that ?
No resolutions, because that puts too many expectations on yourself and lets face it, how many times do we have personal failure every year because of them, don't start your year on a higher % of failure, just do it to make yourself feel better and have some peace.
XOXO
Lori
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